Ad Nau-sea-om

Things I learned from my trip to Camotes Island:

- Seasickness ranks as one of the most unpleasant things that I had the displeasure of experiencing in my life, right up there with "balisawsaw on the tennis court" and "having violent stomach problems with no CR in sight."

- Asking people if there is Internet connection at a resort causes people to give me "the look," which roughly translates to "you've got to be kidding me."

- There is nothing wrong with scrutinizing the fried fish you are eating because of its overbite.

- Before agreeing to the accomodations, one must make sure that the number of beds corresponds to the number of people present lest great awkwardness ensue.

- The things that crabs do to sand remind me a whole lot of "having violent stomach problems with no CR in sight."

- Seeing calamansi skin and a couple of de-fleshed sea anemones by the seashore is a testament to the gastronomical invetiveness of the Filipino people.

- I make the most unusual sounds riding on the back of a habal-habal, clinging for dear life.

- "Ay, may humps! May humps! May humps! May humps" fills me with such insane, irrational delight.

- Two people on a habal-habal = awesome. Three people on a habal-habal = uncomfortable. Four people on a habal-habal = what the hell were you people thinking?!

- After being left by the habal-habal man at some lookout point with darkness rapidly closing in, one is left to rue the complexities of the language barrier.

- The mere presence of foreigners causes an abrupt skewing of rates in the minds of local Filipino merchants. It's almost automatic.

- A popular thinking in our beautiful country—foreigners have lots of moolah, bug them for some now.

- Any pastry, however fashioned or crudely named, absolutely rocks as long as it's warm enough. On a related note—when was the last time you've heard of a bun that's called "elorde" or "everlasting."

- I have greatly underestimated the sophistication of the Camotes school system.

- Barring normal, human logic, the game "who can make the deepest imprint on the sand" is the best game to have spontaneously sprouted from our young, carefree minds.

- The difference between riding a 50-person boat for two hours after eating ample servings of junk food-as-breakfast and riding a 150-person boat complete with CRs for two hours after drinking two Bonamines and my friendly neighborhood tylenol pm? Vast. Like our puke-filled oceans.

- "Hello narcotics my old friend, I've come to talk to you again..."

- Filipino time is both a curse (waiting 20 minutes for the boat to actually move) and a blessing (making sure you still make it to the 11 a.m. ride despite arriving at 11:20).

- Knowing exactly where your boat's destination is apparently crucial, I am told.

- Being locked in a Jeepers-Creepers like cavern, a video cam and the possibility of being trapped in make me think evil, psychotic cows. Don't ask.

- "When midnight strikes, the cows come" is totally going to be the tagline for my first horror movie. It will feature lots and lots of booze. And Bonamine.


*Reposted from Belligerent Bliss

Good Friday Pinoy Style

Good Friday, 2009 - Dalaguete, Cebu
Photo by Ian Castanares

Good Friday in the Philippines won't be complete without live crucifixion events. Although not supported and approved by the Catholic Church, this tradition has been going on for many decades (there's no record as to when this first started but some 'actors' have been crucified since 1985).


I have been to two live crucifixions - Dalaguete, Cebu in 2008 and San Fernando, Pampanga in 2009 - and I personally do not recommend this to anybody, lest you're with an international documentary crew.


Unless you enjoy sunburn, dehydration, and people stepping on your toes, there's no thrill or spiritual enlightenment to gain in watching skinny men get crucified. You are better off going to the beach or spending the day watching 7th Heaven re-runs.

Lesson One

*I posted this more than four years ago, during my first week moving to Cebu. I quit my job with People Asia and decided to take a marketing post for a film school. It was an interesting time in my life. 

Things I learned from my first day moving to Cebu

- My problem is not that I have too much crap. My problem is I cannot part with any of them. Like, to the level of me panicking and bringing along six pieces of luggage and boxes through the airport counter.

- I have found the solution to my air tummy sickness (I just made that up. Can you tell? Like, really?): Don't sleep the night before your flight, walk half-dazed and half-stressed out through the airport, sleepwalk your way to the plane, fall into a coma during the flight and wake up tummy-ache free. A little crazed, but still, tummy-ache free.

- Bringing a plate from the canteen to your department's pantry can be a cause of controversy. Really.

- The fact that our company system prevents me from logging in to blogger and my personal E-mails is a source of great distress. Like I want to kill one of the owner's ostriches and slather its blood all over our building's orange facade. Where are my pills, damn it?!

- The presence of a 24-hour internet cafe pleases me.

- My anxiety over the possibility of embarrassing myself in public transportation is alarming. Especially in multicabs. (This might be attributed to the fact this appears be one of the remaining few types of PUVs where I have not lost a cellphone.)

- The absence of 50 or so fast food restos within 100 feet of my stomach would apparently be good for me. However, I am already feeling crazy-wild, like I am in some sort of evil-cholesterol-and-sugar-binge-eating-withdrawal-and-want-a-spicy-chicken-sandwich-like-right now.

- I find comfort in P30 meals and P6 fares. It's like I can live off the coins in my pocket.

- I should really stop being so shocked over malls that close down at seven-thirty pm and accept the fact that there are people out there that do not take into consideration my after seven-thirty pm retail needs.

- There is something really endearing (or depraved) about missing people whine, scream, play tag and lapdance at three in the morning.

- Sometimes people (my brother for instance) can really surprise you with I-never-knew moments that can cause you to tear up in the middle of the line at the airport. And I'm serious. Those are the moments that make me rethink my whole plan for world rulership and make me think that maybe the idea of me having heart isn't some myth.